I went to a party tonight. It was one of those small, not a lot of people, everyone speaks to everyone else at somepoint in the night, type parties. It was a "cosy" party. It was the type of party where people get to know each other, rather than huddling with the people they already know. It was the type of party where you suddenly discover that the girl you like got a boyfriend over the summer
Yeah. That happened to me. I'd decided this year that I was going to be more outgoing, especially with regards to this girl. You know what I mean. This was the year that I was actually going to gather my courage and ask her out sometime. She's actually one of two girls that I've liked from the first time I met them. The other is currently not interested in dating, although that won't necessarily stop me from trying - I've known lots of people say that and end up with a partner by the end of the month. But she's not the point of this article.
The point of the article is a girl called M. Not the lady who gives James Bond his missions, but a rather sweet young woman on my uni course. I'm not using her full name in case someone who knows her reads this. Of course, if she read it herself she would know I'm talking about her, but that's life...
So the story is basically, I went to this party, looking forwards to seeing this girl, M. And I did see her, but she was talking to some people, and I figured I should wait to have a conversation with her. So Half an hour later this guy comes out of the shower. Now, I'm startng to get suspicous here. I know that at least one of the other girls who live there is lesbian, so it's not her partner. I'm also slightly paranoid at this point, so I'm pretty sure it's M's.
Sure enough, after ten minutes, she goes and stands with him, in one of the various couple poses available. This is the low point of my evening. I mean, I'm friends with the lesbian girl, but I saw her a few days ago. I really wanted to see M. And she's in a relationship. And it's not on Facebook either. I was unprepared.
And the really difficult part was that this guy was likeable. To everyone. Even his new girlfriend's lesbian lover (don't ask!). When at one point all the girls went off for a lesbian orgy (Their claim, not mine) we still had really fun, if odd, conversations. I liked this guy,
But you know what? I don't care. Well, I'm a little sad that it's not me M. was curling into at the end of the night, but she has someone, and from what have seen of him, he's a good person. A couple of years ago, maybe even a few months ago, I would have been really upset. And in some ways I am. But this has actually made me realise that I'm now mature enough to let someone go. She has a boyfriend. He's a good guy. I'm actually happy for her. It surprises me, but I am. I wish M. and Z. a happy time together. And if they don't work out, then I'll be there for M. Not as a potential suitor, but as a friend.
Besides, there's always the other girl I liked, right?
if it helps any, which it probably doesn't, I know exactly what you're talking about. But it's a good thing you're not letting it get to you too much :)
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